Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Off the wire

WARNING FROM PAKISTAN
This morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan ,
Taliban Minister of Migration, Mohammed Omar,
warned the United States and Canada that if military
action against Iraq continues, Taliban authorities
will cut off America 's and Canada 's
supply of convenience store managers.
And if this action does not yield sufficient results,
cab drivers will be next, followed by Dell and
Sprint customer service reps.
It's getting ugly.

Adios Amigos

Adios Amigos

 

Do you remember when Puerto Rico was raising heck about the US Navy using that nothing little island just off the coast of Puerto Rico for bombing practices, which they had used for the past 75 years?

 

Demonstrations were held; Hollywood left wingers, Al Sharpton, and his fellow demagogues went down there to demonstrate to get the Navy out

 

I am sure it infuriated you just as it did me at the time. Well, here is our revenge. Always be careful what you ask for, you just may get it!

 

One of the many headaches that the U.S. has had was the Puerto Rican island of Vieques. In the waning years of the Clinton Administration protesters demand  that the US Navy abandon bombing and naval gunfire exercises that had taken place on the largely uninhabited island for nearly seventy years.

 

In 2002, the bombing exercises were transferred to an Air Force bombing range in central Florida not far from Jacksonville and Pensacola Naval Air Station s. In January, many of the protesters were back in Puerto Rico, celebrating the final bombing exercise on Vieques and waved Puerto Rican flags and placards that read "U. S. Navy, get out of Puerto Rico."

 

The following February, Rumsfeld announced that the U. S. Navy will close the Roosevelt Roads Naval Air Station in Puerto Rico in 2004, eliminating 1200 civilian jobs as well as 700 military positions. This naval facility is estimated to have put nearly $300 million annually into the local economy.

 

The next day a stunned Governor Sila Calderon, held a news conference in San Juan protesting the base closure as a serious blow to the Commonwealth's fragile economy. The governor stated that "The people of Puerto Rico don't now or never did have an interest in closing the Vieques bombing range or the Roosevelt Roads naval base. We are interested in both staying in Puerto Rico.

 

When asked, the Commander-in-Chief, Western Atlantic Command, said, "Without Vieques, I see no further need for the facility at Roosevelt Roads. None."

 

So, Yankee go home? Fine. But we'll take our DOLLARS with us. Hasta la vista, baby!

 

On February 21, the Secretary of Defense also announced that starting this year, the U.S. European Command would begin moving most, if not all, of its active combat and support units from bases in Germany to others being established in Poland, The Czech Republic, Hungary and Turkey to "better position them for rapid deployment to likely hot spots in those parts of the world."

 

Immediately the business and government leaders in the German states of Hesse, Rinelandand Wurttemburg, protested the loss of nearly $6 billion US revenue each year from the bases and manpower to be displaced. A spokesman for the Foreign Ministry speculated that the move may be "what the Americans call 'payback' for the actions of this government in opposing Military action in Iraq."

 

Does anyone know the German translation for: "Hasta la vista, baby?" I think "Aufwiedersehen, linesmen" is a good translation.

 

Oh, isn't it nice to see a government with guts and a good memory???

 

Also, here are some statistics and conclusions about a different subject.

 

If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq theater of operations during the last 22 months, and a total of 2,112 deaths, when this was written) that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000 soldiers.

 

The firearm death rate in Washington D. C. is 80.6 per 100,000 for the same period. (...and that was while handguns were outlawed!!)

 

That means that you are about 25% more likely to be shot and killed in the U. S. Capitol, which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the nation, than you are in Iraq.

 Conclusion: Just maybe the U.S. should pull out of Washington, D.C. !!!!


Bank Crisis Hits Japan

Bank Crisis Hits Japan
Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on Northern Rock Bank in the U.K., financial uncertainty has now hit Japan.

In the last seven days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.

Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after prices nose-dived. Also today, Cherry Blossom Financial Services is reported to be in the pits.

While Samurai Banks are soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Banks are reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black.

Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop, and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

UNDERWEAR IS IMPORTANT!!

If you don't laugh out loud at this one, call the morgue and
reserve a tray, because you are dead.

Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under
your vehicle...From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this
story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have
their car break down in the parking lot.
The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed
the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of
people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs
protruding from under the chassis.
Although the man was in shorts, his lack o f underpants turned private
parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the  embarrassment, she
dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and
tucked everything back into place. She took a deep breath and stood up
boldly to face the crowd. She
looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband,
who had been standing idly by.
The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.