Some Coaching Wisdom.....

#1. At Georgia Southern, we don't cheat. That costs money and we don't have any." Erk Russell / Georgia Southern. ' #2. 'After you retire, there's only one big event left... And I ain't ready for that.' - Bobby Bowden / Florida State #3. 'The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it.' - Lou Holtz / Arkansas #4. 'When you win, nothing hurts.' - Joe Namath / Alabama #5. 'Motivation is simple.. You eliminate those who are not motivated.' - Lou Holtz / Arkansas #6. 'If you want to walk the heavenly streets of gold, you gotta know the password, 'Roll, tide, roll!' - Bear Bryant / Alabama #7. 'A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.' - Frank Leahy / Notre Dame #8. 'There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you.' - Woody Hayes / Ohio State #9. 'I don't expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation. I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation.' - Bob Devaney / Nebraska #10. 'In Alabama , an atheist is someone who doesn't believe in Bear Bryant.' - Wally Butts / Georgia #11.. 'You can learn more character on the two-yard line than anywhere else in life.' - Paul Dietzel / LSU #12. 'It's kind of hard to rally around a math class.' - Bear Bryant / Alabama #13. When asked if Fayetteville was the end of the world. 'No, but you can see it from here.' - Lou Holtz / Arkansas ... #14. 'I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I want him to quit in practice, not in a game.' - Bear Bryant / Alabama #15. 'There's one sure way to stop us from scoring-give us the ball near the goal line.' - Matty Bell / SMU #16. 'Lads, you're not to miss practice unless your parents died or you died.' - Frank Leahy / Notre Dame #17. 'I never graduated from Iowa , but I was only there for two terms - Truman's and Eisenhower's.' - Alex Karras / Iowa #18. 'My advice to defensive players: Take the shortest route to the ball and arrive in a bad humor.' - Bowden Wyatt / Tennessee #19. 'I could have been a Rhodes Scholar, except for my grades.' - Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State #20. 'Always remember... Goliath was a 40 point favorite over David.' - Shug Jordan / Auburn #21. 'They cut us up like boarding house pie. And that's real small pieces.' - Darrell Royal / Texas #22. 'Show me a good and gracious loser, and I'll show you a failure.' - Knute Rockne / Notre Dame #23. 'They whipped us like a tied up goat.' - Spike Dykes / TexasTech #24. 'I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he didn't recruit me and he said: 'Well, Walt, we took a look at you and you weren't any good.' - Walt Garrison / Oklahoma State #25. 'Son, you've got a good engine, but your hands aren't on the steering wheel.' - Bobby Bowden / Florida State #26. 'Football is not a contact sport - it is a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport.' - Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State #27. After USC lost 51-0 to Notre Dame, his postgame message to his team: 'All those who need showers, take them.' - John McKay / USC #28. 'If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education.' - Murray Warmath / Minnesota #29. 'The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb. To be a back, you only have to be dumb.' - Knute Rockne / Notre Dame #30. 'Oh, we played about like three tons of buzzard puke this afternoon.' - Spike Dykes / Texas Tech #31. 'It isn't necessary to see a good tackle. You can hear it.' -Knute Rockne / Notre Dame #32. 'We live one day at a time and scratch where it itches.' -Darrell Royal / Texas #33. 'Football is only a game. Spiritual things are eternal. Nevertheless, Beat Texas ' - Seen on a church sign in Arkansas prior to the 1969 game. #34. 'We didn't tackle well today but we made up for it by not blocking.' - Wilson Matthews / Little Rock Central High School #35. 'Three things can happen when you throw the ball, and two of them are bad.' - Darrell Royal / University of Texas #36. 'I've found that prayers work best when you have big players.' - Knute Rockne / Notre Dame #37. 'Gentlemen, it is better to have died as a small boy than to fumble this football.' - John Heisman

HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

 

1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.

 

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.

 

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

 

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

 

"Bubba,

 

Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour.

Don't mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning and

messed him up bad.

I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell

from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.

 

Better wait outside. Be right back.

 

Cooter

Speaking German In Texas

Near Fredericksburg , Texas , where there is a large German-speaking population, a farmer walking down a country road notices a man drinking from his pond with his hand.

The farmer shouted:   "Trink das wasser nicht. Die  kuhen haben dahin gesheissen." 

Which means:  ( "Don't drink the water, the cows have sh** in it." )

The man shouted back:  "I'm from New York and  just down here campaigning for Obama's health care plan, I can't  understand you.  Please speak in English." 

The farmer replied:  "Use two hands, you'll  get more." 

Funny!

An Idaho farmer got in his pickup, drove to a neighboring farm and knocked at the farmhouse door. A young boy about 12 opened the door.

"Is your dad home?" the farmer asked.

"No sir, he ain't," the boy replied. "He went into town."

"Well, said the farmer, is your mom here?"

"No sir, she ain't here neither. She went into town with Dad."

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"

"He went with mom and dad."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other mumbling to himself.

"Is there anything I can do fer ya?" the boy asked politely. "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer dad."

"Well, said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to yer dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae pregnant."

The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Pa about that," he finally conceded.

"If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $50 for the bull and $25 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets fer Howard."

No Christmas In Wash. DC this year

There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington this year!



The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene



in the United States' Capital this Christmas season.


This isn't for any religious reason.


They simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in the Nation's
Capitol.


A search for a Virgin continues.





There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.