Latex Gloves

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a very elderly lady, was looking very nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.
"Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.
"No, I don't." she replied.
"Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in China with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size."
She didn't crack a smile. Oh, well. I tried," he thought.  But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the dental procedure, she burst out laughing.
"What's so funny?" he asked.
"I was just picturing how condoms are made!" she said.

You've gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working!




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Butt Dust

What, you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on and you'll discover the joy in
it! These have to be original and genuine. . No adult is this
creative!

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.
After a while he asked: "Mom, why have you got two? Is one for hot and
one for cold milk?"
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was
so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't
remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to
six."

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight. "I love you so much,
that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a chewable aspirin. She
tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration,
her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she'd have to open it for
her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know
it's me?"

D. I. (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I
cost?"
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man
named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his
wife looked back and was turned to salt. Concerned, James asked: "What
happened to the flea?"

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather
wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while andthen
asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"

The Sermon
I think this Mom will never forget this particular Sunday sermon.
"Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a
rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust." He
would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who
was listening!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill
little girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"

The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed! Hope you had
at least one chuckle.

Earning the desks

Back in September of 2005, on the first day of school, Martha Cothren, a social studies school teacher at Robinson High School in Little Rock, did something not to be forgotten.

On the first day of school, with permission of the school superintendent, the principal and the building supervisor, she took all of the desks out of the classroom.

The kids came into first period and there were no desks. They obviously looked around and said, "Ms. Cothren, where's our desk?"  And she said, "You can't have a desk until you tell me how you earn them."

They thought, "Well, maybe it's our grades."

"No," she said.

"Maybe it's our behavior."

And she told them, "No, it's not even your behavior."

And so they came and went in the first period, still no desks in the classroom. Second period, same thing, third period too. By early afternoon television news crews had gathered in Ms. Cothren's class to find out about this crazy teacher who had taken all the desks out of the classroom.

The last period of the day, Martha Cothren gathered her class. They were at this time sitting on the floor around the sides of the room.  And she says, "Throughout the day no one has really understood how you earn the desks that sit in this classroom ordinarily."  She said, "Now I'm going to tell you."

Martha Cothren went over to the door of her classroom and opened it, and as she did 27 U.S. veterans, wearing their uniforms, walked into that classroom, each one carrying a school desk. And they placed those school desks in rows, and then they stood along the wall. And by the time they had finished placing those desks, those kids, for the first time I think perhaps in their lives, understood how they earned those desks.

Martha said, "You don't have to earn those desks. These guys did it for you. They put them out there for you, but it's up to you to sit here responsibly to learn, to be good students and good citizens, because they paid a price for you to have that desk, and don't ever forget it."

Friends, I think sometimes we forget that the freedoms that we have are freedoms not because of celebrities. The freedoms are because of ordinary people who did extraordinary things, who loved this country more than life itself, and who not only earned a school desk for a kid at the Robinson High School in  Little Rock, but who earned a seat for you and me to enjoy this great land we call home, this wonderful nation that we better love enough to protect and preserve with the kind of conservative, solid values and principles that made us a great nation.

"We live in the Land of the Free because of the brave."

Please remember our Troops!

Women

     Five Basic Rules to have a happy life:
  1.       It is important to have a woman who keeps the house clean and orderly, who knows how to cook, prepare your favorite dishes, and when possible, have a job.

  2.       It is important to have a woman that makes you laugh.
  3.       It is important to have a woman who you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
  4.       It is important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
  5.       It is Extremely Important that these four women don't know each other.