DEA Surveillance

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another  man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.
 
The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.
 
The second man explained that he was a DEA agent and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'. "His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work."
 
The plane took off , and once it has leveled out, the agent said, "Watch this." He told Sniffer to "search."
 
Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the agent's arm.
 
The agent said, "Good boy", and he turned to the man and said, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.
 
"Say, that's pretty neat," replied the first man.
 
Once again, the agent sent Sniffer to search the aisles. The lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm.
 
The agent said, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police."
 
I like it!" said his seat mate.
 
The agent then told Sniffer to "search" again.
 
Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to poop.
 
The first man was really grossed out by this behavior and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the agent, "What's going on?"
 
The agent nervously replied, "He just found a bomb."

Dear Abby

Dear Abby,

My husband has a long
record of money problems.  He runs up huge credit-card bills and at the
end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am
stealing his money.  He says pay the minimum and lets our kids worry
about the rest, but already we can hardly keep up with the interest.  

Also he has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors that most
of them no longer speak to us.  The few that do are an odd bunch, to
whom he has been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills
even more.  

Also, he has
gotten religious. One week he hangs out with Catholics and the next with
people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ, and the next he's with
Muslims.  


Finally, the
last straw.  He's demanding that before anyone can be in the same room
with him, they must sign a loyalty oath.  It's just so horribly creepy!

Can you help?

Signed,
Lost in DC
--------------------------------------------------

Dear Lost:

Stop whining, Michelle.  


You're getting to live in the White House for free, travel the world,
and have others pay for everything for you.  You can divorce the jerk
any time you want.  The rest of us are stuck with the SOB until 2012!

Signed,
Abby