Decoding men and women

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish................................49.
Adventurous..............................Slept with everyone.
Athletic...............................No breasts.
Average looking...................Moooo.
Beautiful............................Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure................On medication.
Feminist................................Fat.
Free spirit............................Junkie.
Friendship first.....................Former slut.
New-Age...........................Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned......................No BJs.
Open-minded.......................Desperate.
Outgoing..........................................Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional..........................Bitch.
Voluptuous........................Very Fat.
Large frame..........................Hugely Fat.
Wants Soul mate..................Stalker. 
 
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10.You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
 
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
9 Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit. = I'm gay.