new drink

A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks.

While they're sitting there having a good time together, she starts
talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it,
the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into
having one.

After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him. The
bartender brings the drink and puts the following items on the bar: A
salt shaker, a shot of Baileys, and a shot of lime juice.

The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.

"First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot
of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime
juice."

So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it.

He puts the salt on his tongue........salty but OK.

He drinks the shot of Baileys........smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant.
He thinks........this is OK.

Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it.

... In one second the sharp lime taste hits...... At two seconds the
Baileys curdles ... At three seconds the salty, curdled taste &
mucous-like consistency hits. .....At four seconds it feels as if he has
a mouth full of nasty snot.

This triggers his gag reflex, but being manly, and not wanting to
disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now foul tasting drink. When
he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, "Jesus
H. Christ, what the hell do you call that drink?"

She smiles widely at him and says, "Blow Job Revenge

New Office Policy

 FYI

Dress Code:


- You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
- If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will
assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
- If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so
that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
- If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If
you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead
friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have
non-employees attend the funeral arrangements. In rare cases where
employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in
the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your
lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a
strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three
minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the
stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second
offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under
the "Chronic Offenders" category.
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the
company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
- Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so
that they can look healthy.
- Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
maintain their average figure.
- Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
needed to drink a Slim-Fast.


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management

Can't I just hail a cab... it is New York...

 

This  hilarious! 

Take 30  seconds to do this; I guarantee you will show someone else,  It's too funny not to. 

1. go to www.google.com
2. click on "maps"
3.  click on "get directions"
4. type "New  York" in the  first box (the "left top" box)
5. type "London" in the second box  (the "right top" box)
6. click "get directions"
7. scroll down  to step #24 in the directions

Have a great week!

Blood Types..the meanings.

 

Five Elements

Related to junishi is jikkan, another system imported from China. The jikkan is based on the 5 elements or energies that constitute the world. In the west we have the 4 alchemical elements.... Air, Earth, Fire, and Water. The Sino-Japanese system uses five: Fire, Earth, Metal, Water, and Wood.

In this system Fire generates Earth, which generates Metal, which generates Water, which generates Wood, which generates Fire. The 5 elements system is used extensively in a variety of health, design, time, and spatial systems.

The jikkan is derived by each element having a "younger" and "elder" aspect. This gives us the "10 trunks" (jikkan), which combined with "12 animal years" ( junishi) creates a 60 year cycle wherein each year is a unique combination of animal and element. ( it's a little complicated as some animals are only associated with the "younger" element, and some animals only with the "elder" element). The jikkan-junishi system was known as ETO, and was used as a dating system and for fortune telling . The current 60-year cycle began in 1984, so this is year 20, "younger"-water Sheep year. While no longer in extensive use, Eto makes an appearance as the Japanese set great store in a person's 60th birthday. It is seen as the ending of one life-cycle and the beginning of a second.

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Blood Type

Finally, there is the uniquely Japanese system of believing that a person's blood-type determines character. While there has never been any scientific evidence to support this claim, it is a surprisingly pervasive belief among Japanese, and the chances are that you are more likely to be asked your blood type than your sign. The idea of blood type determining character was first put forward in 1927 by Takeji Furukawa. The idea was popular for some years, but faded from public consciousness upon his death until revived again in the 1970's by journalist Masahiko Nomi who has since published over 16 books on the subject. Add to this several dozen books by other authors and a slew of TV programs, and you get an idea how much the idea has gripped the Japanese public. Several of these books have been translated into English, and a few books have been written by western authors, mostly in the area of New Age studies. Here some of the characteristics attributed to each blood type:

Type A

calm, composed, serious, reliable, perfectionist, arrogant, suppress their emotions.

Type B

curious, bright, cheerful, enthusiastic, superficial, unreliable, selfish.

Type 0

carefree, generous, independent, flexible, clumsy, flighty.

Type AB

sensitive, considerate, careful, efficient, strict, moody

The most common blood type in Japan is A, with 38% of the population. The most common in Britain and the U.S. is Type O. Interestingly the most common type among Japanese Prime Ministers is O.

Blood-typing is used to determine compatibility for marriage and romance, and also for career paths, since it is believed that type A make the best managers. 1n 1930 companies started asking for blood-type on application forms, a practice that is still sometimes used today. As with any system that categorizes people into types, some blood groups are seen as inferior. For a while, some companies tried dividing their employees into work groups based on blood type, and no one wanted to work with the AB group. Almost all Japanese know their blood group, and if a foreigner is asked and doesn't know his or her group, it will likely be believed that they really do know it but are ashamed of it.

The Tax Man

The Tax Man

A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, "What is your occupation?"
I'm a whore." she says

The accountant is somewhat taken back and says, "No, No, No, that won't work. Let's try to rephrase that."

The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl".

"No, that still won't work. Try again."

They both think for a minute, then the woman says, "I'm an elite Chicken farmer."

The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?"

"Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year."

"Chicken farmer it is."