Great Quote!

"We can cure physical diseases with medicine, but the only cure for loneliness, despair, and hopelessness is love. There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread, but there are many more dying for a little love." Mother Teresa

Little Rabbit

A precocious little girl missing two front teeth, walks into a pet shop
and says to the shopkeeper, 'Excuthe me, mithter, do you have widdle
wabbits?'
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's
on her level and asks, 'Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft
and fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit
over there?'
She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees,
leans forward and says, in a quiet voice, 'You know, mithter, I don't
think my python will weally give a thyit.'

Ole and Lena

OLE AND LENA:
Ole, out on the golf course, takes a high speed ball right in the  crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said 'How bad is it doc?. . . I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiancie, Lena , is still a wirgin - in every vay'. The doctor told him, 'I'll have to put your Willie in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week.' He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together . Quite an impressive work of art. Ole mentions none of this to Lena, marries her, and they go on their honeymoon. That night in the motel room, Lena rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful untouched breasts. She said, 'You're the first vun. No vun has EVER seen deez.' Ole immediately drops his pants and replies, 'Look at dis, still in da CRATE!'

This Explains It!

This explains why I forward jokes. 




A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

 

  

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. 

 

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.

  

When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.  

 

When he was close enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we?'

  

 

'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered.  

 

'Wow! Would you happen to have some water?' the man asked 

  

 

'Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up.'

 

 

 

 

The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

 

 

 

'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too?' the traveler asked.

 

 

 

'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.'

 

 

 

 

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.  

 

 

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.

 

 

 

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.  

 

'Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?'

 

 

 

'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in.'

 

 

 

 

'How about my friend here?' the traveler gestured to the dog.  

 

'There should be a bowl by the pump.'

 

 

 

 

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.

  

 

The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.

 

 

 

When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.

 

 

'What do you call this place?' the traveler asked.

 

 

 

'This is Heaven,' he answered.

 

  

'Well, that's confusing,' the traveler said. 'The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.'

  

 

'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell.'

  

 

'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?'  

 

'No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.'

 

 

Soooo  

 

 

Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word.

  

Maybe this will explain.

  

When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do? You forward jokes.  

 

 

When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes.  

 

 

When you have something to say, but don't know what, and don't know how, you forward jokes.

  

 

Also to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get?  

 

A forwarded joke.

  

 

So, next time if you get a joke, don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.

 

 

You are all welcome @ my water bowl anytime

And then the fight started .....

Fights start in the most innocent ways!



On the lighter side:

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive....so, I took her to a gas station.....

And then the fight started....

************************************************************************

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.  The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.  I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.  I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and  come back later.

The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt".

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.  She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed my Social Security application.


When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, "You should have dropped your pants.  You might have gotten disability, too!"

And then the fight started.....

***********************************************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend.  I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says my wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started.....

***********************************************************************
I rear-ended a car this morning.  So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.  You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?  Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started.....