The Old Man and the Marine

The Old Man and the Marine...

One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania avenue , where he'd been sitting on a park bench.
He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in
and meet with President Hillary Clinton."  The Marine replied, "Sir, Mrs. 
Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here." The old man said, "Okay", and walked away. The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to
the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton".  The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mrs.  Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here".  The man thanked him and again walked away.  The third Day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton".  The Marine, understandably agitated at this point,  looked at the Man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mrs. Clinton.  I've told you already several times that Mrs. Clinton is not the President and doesn't reside here.
Don't you understand?"  The old man answered, "Oh, i understand you fine, I just love hearing your answer!"

The Marine snapped to attenion, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow".

Another one for the blondes--GOOD one

PLANE TO HOUSTON

THE PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO HOUSTON WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP  
AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.

SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL
HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK

THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLOND, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO HOUSTON AND
I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE
CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE SITTING IN FIRST CLASS THAT BELONGS IN
ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.

THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE  
ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER
SEAT.

THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO HOUSTON AND
I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE
WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO
REASON.

THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS. I'M MARRIED TO A
BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."

HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH,  I'M
SORRY." AND SHE GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO
MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.

I TOLD HER, "FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO HOUSTON ."

IDP Day!!!

Today is International Disadvantaged People's Day.

Please send an encouraging message to a retarded friend...just as I've done.

I don't care if you lick windows, screw farm animals, take the short bus or occasionally shit yourself...

You hang in there sunshine, you're fricking special.

Top 12 Country Songs

12. I Hate Every Bone in Her Body But Mine.

11. It's Hard to Kiss the Lips At Night That Chewed Your Ass All Day.

10. If the Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.

9. I Liked You Better Before I Got to Know You So Well.

8. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better.

7. I Wouldn't take her to a Dog Fight 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win.

6. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight.

5. I'm So Miserable without you, It's like You're Still Here.

4. If I Had Shot You When I F irst wanted To, I'd Be Out Of Prison By now.

3. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend and I Sure Do Miss Him.

2. She Got the Ring and I Got the Finger.

And the number 1 Country Song is:

1. I Ain't Never Gone to Bed with Ugly Women But I've Sure Woke Up With a Few.

Got Education?

Ok, ok...  Here are what some important people have said about education...

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"The founding fathers in their wisdom decided that children were an unnatural strain on their parents.  So they provided jails called school, equipped with tortures called education."  John Updike

"Education is the state-controlled manufactory of echoes."  Norman Douglas

"I am always ready to learn, but I do not always like being taught."  Winston Churchill

"School days, I believe, are the unhappiest in the whole span of human existence.  They are full of dull, unintelligible tasks, new and unpleasant ordinances, and brutal violations of common sense and common decency."  H.L. Mencken

"You cannot teach a person anything; you can only help him find it within himself."  Galileo

"There is too much education altogether, especially in American schools."  Albert Einstein

"I never let schooling interfere with my education."  Mark Twain
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Hmm... makes you wonder, doesn't it?