They Walk Among Us

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are 

things  people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now 
published  by court reporters who had the 'torment of staying calm' while these
exchanges were actually taking place. Who said being in court can't be fun. 

Supposedly these are right off the
court recorders tape.
 

 

.
 ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
 WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
 _______________________________
 ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
 WITNESS: July 18Th.
 ATTORNEY: What year?
 WITNESS: Every year.
 _____________________________________
 ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
 WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reebok's.
 ______________________________________
 ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
 WITNESS: Yes.
 ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
 WITNESS: I forget.
 ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
 _________________________________________

 ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
 WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
 ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
 WITNESS: Forty-five years.
 _____________________________________
 ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
 WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
 ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
 WITNESS: My name is Susan.
 ______________________________________
 ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
 WITNESS: We both do.
 ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
 WITNESS: We do.
 ATTORNEY: You do?
 WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
 ____________________________________
 A ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his 
sleep,
 he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
 WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
 ____________________________________
 ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
 WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
 ________________________________________
 ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture
 was taken?
 WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
 ______________________________________
 ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8Th?
 WITNESS: Yes.
 ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
 WITNESS: Uh....
 ______________________________________
 ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
 WITNESS: Yes.
 ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
 WITNESS: None.
 ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
 ______________________________________
 ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
 WITNESS: By death.
 ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
 ______________________________________
 ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
 WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
 ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
 ______________________________________
 ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
 notice which I sent to your attorney?
 WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
 ______________________________________
  ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
 people?
 WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
 ______________________________________
 ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be 'oral', OK? What school did you go 
to?
 WITNESS: Oral.
 ______________________________________
 ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
 WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
 ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
 WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
 autopsy on him!
 ____________________________________________
 ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
 WITNESS: Huh?
 ____________________________________________
 And the best for last :
 ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
 pulse?
 WITNESS: No.
 ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
 WITNESS: No.
 ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
 WITNESS: No.
 ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you 
began
 the autopsy?
 WITNESS: No.
 ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
 WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
 ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
 WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
 law.