Civil Service Job?

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Have you been in the service?"
"Yes," he says. "I was in Vietnam for three years."
The interviewer says, "That will give you extra points toward
employment," and then asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes 100%...a mortar round exploded near me and
blew my testicles off."
The interviewer tells the guy, "O. K. I can hire you right now.  The

hours are from 8:00 A.M. To 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow. 

Come in at 10:00 A.M."
 

The guy is puzzled and says, "If the hours are from 8:00 A.M. To
4:00 P.M., then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 A.M.? "
"This is a government job" the interviewer says. For the first
two hours we stand around scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for
that."

Fairy Tale

One day, long, long ago, there was this woman who surprisingly, did not whine, nag, and bitch........

But this was a long, long time ago.....

and it was just ONE day.

The End

Nun Story

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, "Please, may I
hide
underyour skirt? I'll explain later!"
The nun agreed.
A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked,"Sister, have you
seen a soldier?"
The nun replied,"He went that way."
After the MP's ran off, the soldier crawled out fromunder her skirt
and
said, "I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to
Iraq."
The nun said, "I understand completely."
The soldier added, "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pairof
legs!"
The nun replied,
"If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of
balls....I don't want to go to Iraqeither."

Nursing Home Humor

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around
the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum
speed on the long corridors.
Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other
residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.
One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky
Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "STOP!," he shouted in
a firm voice. "Have you got a license
for that thing?" Ethel fished around
in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him.
"OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold
popped out in front of her and shouted "STOP! Have you got proof of
insurance?" Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and
held it up to him. Harold nodded and said "On your way, Ma'am."
As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of
her, Butt-Naked, and holding his "You-Know-What" in his hand.
"Oh, good grief," yelled Ethel, "Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test
again.!!!"

80 Yr Old Father To Be

An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up.
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 80-year-old said,
Things are great and I've never felt better.
I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what
do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.
 "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and
never misses a season. One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a
bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of
his gun." "As he neared a lake, he came across a very large beaver
sitting at the water's edge.
He realised he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the
magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at
the
animal as if it were his favourite hunting rifle and went 'bang,
bang'."
"Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now,
what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.
The 80-year-old said, "If you ask me, I'd say somebody else pumped a
couple of rounds into that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."