Question from the New driving test

Here's a question from the new driver's license test.......

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a 'drop off' - (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on) and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is another galloping horse. Both horses are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?



Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round

A Woman was out golfing....

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.    
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don 't mess with them.

Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

 

Male readers : Please scroll down.

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The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife

Moral of the story: Women think they're smart.
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a good sense of humor.

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Join me in Eve Online!

Dear Tech Support

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NHL 4.3, MLB 3.0, NBA 3.6, XBOX Live and NASCAR 4.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate

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Dear Desperate:

First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Try to enter the command:
C:/ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME" to download Tears 6.2, which should automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

Remember, though, that overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.

Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly 10.8.

Whatever you do: DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support

Triplets

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a
masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach.
Luckily, the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the
bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two
healthy daughters and a healthy son. All was fine for 16 years, and then
one daughter walked into the room in tears.
"What's wrong?" asked the mother.
"I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the daughter.
The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years
ago.
About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears.
"Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out." Again the mother
told her not to worry and explained what happened 16
years ago.
A week later her son walked into the room in tears. "It's okay" said the
Mom, "I know what happened. You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came
out."
"No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog."

Geography Of A Woman

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa , half discovered, half wild,
naturally beautiful with fertile soil.
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like America , well developed and open to
trade, especially for someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like India , very hot, relaxed and
convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France , gently aging; but still warm
and a desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain , with a glorious and
all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Yugoslavia , lost some wars, won some
great battles but haunted by past mistakes, still very strong and proud.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Russia , very wide and borders are
now largely un-patrolled.
After 70, she becomes Tibet . Off the beaten path, with a mysterious
past and the wisdom of the ages...still desirable but only those with an
adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge and true
love, dare visit there.

...Geography Of A Man
Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran - ruled by a dick.