His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.
He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.
He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'
'Why?' asked the pilot.
'Because I'm a photographer for CNN News,' he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'
"Life is short.
Drink the good wine first"
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Miller Time : Flight
Monday, November 09, 2009
Some Coaching Wisdom.....
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Thursday, October 29, 2009
HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Speaking German In Texas
The farmer shouted: "Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen."
Which means: ( "Don't drink the water, the cows have sh** in it." )
The man shouted back: "I'm from New York and just down here campaigning for Obama's health care plan, I can't understand you. Please speak in English."
The farmer replied: "Use two hands, you'll get more."
Friday, October 09, 2009
Funny!
An Idaho farmer got in his pickup, drove to a neighboring farm and knocked at the farmhouse door. A young boy about 12 opened the door.
"Is your dad home?" the farmer asked.
"No sir, he ain't," the boy replied. "He went into town."
"Well, said the farmer, is your mom here?"
"No sir, she ain't here neither. She went into town with Dad."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"He went with mom and dad."
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do fer ya?" the boy asked politely. "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer dad."
"Well, said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to yer dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae pregnant."
The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Pa about that," he finally conceded.
"If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $50 for the bull and $25 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets fer Howard."
Friday, October 02, 2009
No Christmas In Wash. DC this year
The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene
in the United States' Capital this Christmas season.
This isn't for any religious reason.
They simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in the Nation's
Capitol.
A search for a Virgin continues.
There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.
The Poll Results Are In
wherein over 300,000 Texas residents were asked whether they think illegal
immigration is a serious problem in Texas:
21% responded, "Yes, it is a serious problem."
79% responded, "No es una problema seriosa."
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Economy Fix!
This is from an article in the St. Petersburg , FL Times Newspaper on Sunday.
The Business Section asked readers for ideas on "How Would You Fix the Economy?"
I think this guy nailed it!
Dear Mr. President:
Please find below my suggestion for fixing America 's economy.
Instead of giving billions of dollars to companies that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.
You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:
There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force.
Pay them $1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:
1) They MUST retire. Forty million job openings -
Unemployment fixed.
2) They MUST buy a new American CAR. Forty million cars ordered-
Auto Industry fixed.
3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage-
Housing Crisis fixed.
It can't get any easier than that!
If more money is needed, have all members of Congress and their constituents pay their taxes...
If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know.
If not, please disregard. Then shoot yourself!!!! 1 job opening
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Good information
This gives us something to think about with all our new electronic technology.
GPS
A couple of weeks ago a friend told me that someone she knew had their car broken into while they were at a football game.
Their car was parked on the green which was adjacent to the football stadium and specially allotted to football fans.
Things stolen from the car included a garage door remote control, some money and a GPS which had been
prominently mounted on the dashboard.
When the victims got home, they found that their house had been ransacked and just about everything worth anything had been stolen.
The thieves had used the GPS to guide them to the house. They then used the garage remote control to open the garage door and gain entry to the house. The thieves knew the owners were at the football game, they knew what time the game was scheduled to finish and so
they knew how much time they had to clean out the house.
It would appear that they had brought a truck to empty the house of its contents.
Something to consider if you have a GPS - don't put your home address in it. Put a nearby address (like a store or gas station) so you can still find your way home if you need to, but no one else would know where you live if your GPS were stolen.
MOBILE PHONES
I never thought of this..........
This lady has now changed her habit of how she lists her names onher mobile phone after her handbag was stolen. Her handbag, which contained her cell phone, credit card, wallet... Etc...was stolen.
20 minutes later when she called her hubby, from a pay phonetelling him what had happened, hubby says 'Ireceived your text asking about our Pin number and I've replied a little while ago.'
When they rushed down to the bank, the bank staff told them all the money was already withdrawn. The thief had actually used the stolen cell phone to text 'hubby' in the contact list and got hold of the pin number. Within 20 minutes he had withdrawn all the money from their
bank account.
Moral of the lesson:
Do not disclose the relationship between you and the people in your contact list.
Avoid using names like Home, Honey, Hubby, Sweetheart, Dad, Mom, etc....
And very importantly, when sensitive info is being asked through texts, CONFIRM by calling back.
Also, when you're being text by friends or family to meet them somewhere, be sure to call back to confirm that the message came from them. If you don't reach them, be very careful about going places to meet 'family and friends' who text you.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Obama's Panic
President Obama got out of the shower and was drying off when he looked
in the mirror and noticed he was white from the neck up to the top of his head.
In sheer panic and fearing he was turning white, he called his doctor and told him
of his problem.
The doctor advised him to come to his office immediately. After an examination,
the doctor mixed a concoction of brown liquid, gave it to Barack, and told him to
drink it all.
Barack drank the concoction and replied, 'That tasted like bullshit!'
The doctor replied, 'It was, you were a quart low.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Happy Married Life
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Thursday, September 10, 2009
Cows, Constitution, and the 10 Commandments
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow,
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq ... Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
A Good Argument - One I Stand By
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Wedding test
THE WEDDING TEST
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend
and I had been dating for over a year, and so we
decided to get married. There was only one
little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful
younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very
tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She
would regularly bend down when she was near
me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to
be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was
near anyone else.
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to
come over to check the wedding invitations. She was
alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she
had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't
overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once
before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if
you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go
up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned
and made a beeline straight to the front door. I
opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lord... and behold, my entire future family was standing
outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and
said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our
little test. We couldn't ask for a better
man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
Have a fabulous day....
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Proud to be from West Virginia
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York Scientists
found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the
conclusion, that their ancestors already had a telephone network more
than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a
California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a
story in the LA Times read: 'California archaeologists, finding traces
of 200 year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already
had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier
than the New Yorkers.'
One week later, the Moundsville Daily Echo, a local newspaper in Moundsville WV
reported the following: After digging as deep as 30 feet in his pasture
near Proctor, Bubba Brown, a self-taught archaeologist reported
that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300
years ago WV had already gone wireless.
Just makes you proud to be from West Virginia, don't it?
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Sunday, August 09, 2009
Stunning list of achievements
Stunning list of achievements
If George W. Bush had made a joke at the expense of the Special
Olympics, would you have approved?
If George W. Bush had given Gordon Brown a set of inexpensive and
incorrectly formatted DVDs, when Gordon Brown had given him a
thoughtful and historically significant gift, would you have approved?
If George W. Bush had given the Queen of England an iPod containing
videos of his speeches, would you have thought this embarrassingly
narcissistic and tacky?
If George W. Bush had bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia, would you have
approved?
If George W. Bush had visited Austria and made reference to the
non-existent "Austrian language," would you have brushed it off as a
minor slip?
If George W. Bush had filled his cabinet and circle of advisers with
people who cannot seem to keep current on their income taxes, would you
have approved?
If George W. Bush had been so Spanish illiterate as to refer to "Cinco
de Cuatro" in front of the Mexican ambassador when it was the fourth of
May (Cuatro de Mayo), and continued to flub it when he tried again,
would you have winced in embarrassment?
If George W. Bush had mis-spelled the word advice would you have
hammered him for it for years like Dan Quayle and
potatoe as "proof" of
what a dunce he is?
If George W. Bush had burned 9,000 gallons of jet fuel to go plant a
single tr
ee on "Earth Day", would you have concluded he's a hypocrite?
If George W. Bush's administration had okayed Air Force One flying low
over millions of people followed by a jet fighter in downtown Manhattan
causing widespread panic, would you have wondered whether they actually
"get" what happened on 9-11?
If George W. Bush had been the first President to need a teleprompter
installed to be able to get through a press conference, would you have
laughed and said this is more proof of how inept he is on his own and
is really controlled by smarter men behind the scenes?
If George W. Bush had failed to send relief aid to flood victims
throughout the Midwest with more people killed or made homeless than in
New Orleans , would you want it made into a major ongoing political
issue with claims of racism and incompetence?
If George W. Bush had ordered the firing of the CEO of a major
corporation, even though he had no constitutional authority to do so,
would you have approved?
If George W. Bush had proposed to double the national debt, which had
taken more than two centuries to accumulate, in one year, would you
have approved?
If George W. Bush had then proposed to double the debt again 10 times
within years, would you have approved?
If George W. Bush had reduced your retirement plan's holdings of GM
stock by 90% and given the unions a majority stake in GM, would you
have approved?
If George W. Bush had spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to take
Laura Bush to a play in NYC, would you have approved?
So, tell me again, what is it about Obama that makes him so brilliant
and impressive? Can't think of anything? Don't worry. He's done all
this in 5 months -- so you'll have three years and seven months to come
up with an answer.
It's a comin'...
Three strangers strike up a conversation in the passenger lounge in Bozeman ,
Montana, while waiting for their respective flights...
One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer, another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State Universityfrom the Middle East .
Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.
The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table, tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face, and lights a cigarette. The wind outside is blowing tumbleweeds around, and the old windsock is flapping; but still no plane comes.
Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, 'At one time here... my people were many... but sadly, now we are few.'
The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, 'Once my people were few,' he sneers, 'and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?'
The cowboy removes his cigarette from his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl...
'I reckon that's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it's a-comin'.'
Two choices
At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its
dedicated staff, he offered a question:
'When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection.
Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do.
Where is the natural order of things in my son?'
The audience was stilled by the query.
The father continued. 'I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.'
Then he told the following story:
Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, 'Do you think they'll let me play?' I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father Ialso understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.
I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, 'We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.'
Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.
In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.
In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.
In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again.
Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.
At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?
Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.
However, as Shay stepped up to the
plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.
The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed.
The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.
As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.
The game would now be over.
The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman.
Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.
Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates.
Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, 'Shay, run to first!
Run to first!'
Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base.
He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.
Everyone yelled, 'Run to second, run to second!'
Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base.
B y the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball. The smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team.
He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head.
Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.
All were screaming, 'Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay'
Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, 'Run to third!
Shay, run to third!'
As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, 'Shay, run home! Run home!'
Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team 'That day', said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, 'the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world'.
Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!
Monday, July 20, 2009
Why Parents Drink
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed
was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an
Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to
'Dad.'
With the worst premonition he opened the envelope
with trembling hands and read the letter.
Dear Dad:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope
with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and
you.
I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.
But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing,
tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older
than I am. But it' s not only the passion....Dad she's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the
whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt
anyone.
We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people
that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.
In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so
Stacy can get better. She deserves it.
Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can
get to know your grandchildren.
Love, Your Son John
PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.
I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a
Report card That's in my center desk drawer.
I love you.
Call me when it's safe to come home
Friday, July 17, 2009
Stevie
A Powerful Message from Stevie Wonder On Michael Jackson's Death…
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Deep stuff hey?
I nearly cried when he said ... .. . .. . .. .. … .. ... . . .... ......
WAL MART INTERVIEW
Jennifer, a manager at Wal-Mart, had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes she found four people who were equally qualified. Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'
The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.
'That's very good!' replied Jennifer. 'And, now you sir?', she asked the second man.
'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'
'Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliche for speed.' She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.
'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yip, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'.
Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man. 'It 's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said.
Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.
Old Bubba replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'
'WHAT!?' said Jennifer, stunned by the response.
'Oh sure', said BUBBA. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit my pants.'
BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!
You probably will think of this every time you enter a Wal-Mart from now on
Smart Indian Kid
It was the first day of school in the USA for a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty or give me Death'?"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up.
"Patrick Henry, in 1775," he said.
"Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth'?"
Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. "Abraham Lincoln, in 1863," said Chandrasekhar.
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed... Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do."
She heard a loud whisper, "Damn those Indians."
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Chandrasekhar put his hand up. "General Custer, in 1862."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glares around and asks, "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Chandrasekhar says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, in 1991."
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, in 1997!"
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."
Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him, in 2004."
The teacher fainted.
And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh crap, we're screwed!"
AND CHANDRASEKHAR SAID QUIETLY, "I THINK IT WAS THE AMERICAN PEOPLE, NOVEMBER 4, 2008."
Thursday, July 09, 2009
Refining fire
Malachi 3:3 says: 'He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.'
This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.
One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.
That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining Silver.
As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.
The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: 'He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.'
She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time.
The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.
The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, 'How do you know when the silver is fully refined?'
He smiled at her and answered, 'Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it.'
If today you are feeling the heat of the fire , remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.
Pass this on right now. This very moment, someone needs to know that God is watching over them.
And, whatever they're going through, they'll be a better person in the end.
'Life is a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it once.'
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Billy Connolly's Chain Letter
billion f **king chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe
that if you send them on, a poor six year old girl in Queensland with a
breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it
removed before her redneck parents sell her to a travelling freak show.
And, do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and
everyone to whom you send "his" email, $1000?
How stupid are we?
Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get
laid >by a model I just happen to run into the next day!
What a bunch of bulls **t.
Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and
sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that was
started by St Peter in 5AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrim
stowaways on the Endeavour.
F **k 'em.
If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly
amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 10 of your closest friends, and
this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel
from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times.
I don't f **king care.
Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually
contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it's our own
unpopularity.
The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave
you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.
If it's funny, send it on.
Don't p * ss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in
Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to the arse of a dead elephant
for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll
receive if you forward this email.
Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your
underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.
Have a nice day.
P.S: Send me 15 bucks and then f **ck off.
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Men are just happier people
MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE
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Monday, June 01, 2009
$$$$$$$$ for you
Money Coming Your Way...............
Money Goddess
This is a Money Goddess. Pass it to 5 of your good friends, or family and be rich
in 4 Days.
Pass it to 10 of your good friends or family and be rich in 2 Days.
I am not joking. You will find an unexpected windfall. If you delete it, you will never know!
SHE WORKS!!! SHE REALLY WORKS!!
Thursday, May 28, 2009
TOO BUSY FOR A FRIEND
teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.
Then
she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.
It
took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.
That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that
individual.
On
Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. "Really?" she heard whispered. "I never knew that I meant
anything to anyone!" and, "I didn't know others liked me so much," were most of the comments.
No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter.. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on...
Several years later, one of the students was killed in Viet Nam and his teacher attended the funeral of that
special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature.
The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin.
As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. "Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked. She nodded: "yes." Then he said:
"Mark talked about you a lot."
After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon.
Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.
"We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his
pocket "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it."
Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.
"Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it."
All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my
desk at home."
Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album."
"I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary"
Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at
all times," Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: "I think we all saved our lists"
That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.
Guts or Balls?
There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: You're next, Chubby.'
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking there is no difference in the outcome. Both result in death.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Election Stats *unverified*
- Number of States won by: Democrats: 19 Republicans: 29
- Square miles of land won by: Democrats: 580,000 Republicans: 2,427,000
- Population of counties won by: Democrats: 127 million Republicans: 143 million
- Murder rate per 100,000 residents in counties won by: Democrats: 13.2
- Murder rate per 100,000 residents in counties won by: Republicans: 2.1
Professor Olson adds: "In aggregate, the map of the territory Republicans won was mostly the land owned by the taxpaying citizens of the country. Democrat territory mostly encompassed those citizens living in government-owned tenements and living off various forms of government welfare..."
Olson believes the United States is now somewhere between the "complacency and apathy" phase of Professor Tyler's definition of democracy, with some forty percent of the nation's population already having reached the "governmental dependency" phase.
If Congress grants amnesty and citizenship to twenty million criminal invaders called illegals and they vote, then we can say goodbye to the USA in fewer than five years. If you are in favor of this, then by all means, delete this message.
If you are not, then pass this along to help everyone realize just how much is at stake, knowing that apathy is the greatest danger to our freedom!