Stevie

A Powerful Message from Stevie  Wonder On Michael Jackson's Death…
 
    ....... ... … … ...   …..
.
.. .  . …    ..   ..     . ..   ..  .. . ...  ….   ... ... . …    ... 
...  .... .. ... ... ... ... ..... ...... ... ... ... ..... ....... ... ...
..     .  .  … .. ....   . ..  ....
... . .... ... .... .... ...
...... ..... .... .... ...... ...... ........ .. .. . ....  ....
. ..     ....  
.   ..      ...   . ......          ....              ......
....... ... ... ... .. ... ....... ... .. .... ...  ... ..... .......
.  .. .. .
.. .... 
..  ..        ....       .  .  . .. .. … ..... 
.. .... .. ... ... .......  ......  ........
Deep stuff hey?  
I nearly cried when he said ... ..   .  ..  . .. .. … .. ... . . .... ......   

WAL MART INTERVIEW

Jennifer, a manager at Wal-Mart, had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes she found four people who were equally qualified. Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'

The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.

'That's very good!' replied Jennifer. 'And, now you sir?', she asked the second man.

'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink!  It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'

'Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliche for speed.' She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.

'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yip, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'.

Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man. 'It 's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said.

Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.

Old Bubba replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'

'WHAT!?' said Jennifer, stunned by the response.

'Oh sure', said BUBBA. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit my pants.'

BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!
 

You probably will think of this every time you enter a Wal-Mart from now on

Smart Indian Kid

It  was the first day of school in the USA for a new  Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian  entered the fourth grade.

The teacher  said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American  History. Who said 'Give me Liberty or give me  Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces,  except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand  up.

"Patrick Henry, in 1775," he  said.

"Very good! Who said 'Government of  the People, by the People, for the People, shall  not perish from the Earth'?"

Again, no  response except from Chandrasekhar. "Abraham  Lincoln, in 1863," said  Chandrasekhar.

The teacher snapped at the  class, "Class, you should be ashamed...  Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows  more about its history than you do."

She  heard a loud whisper, "Damn those  Indians."

"Who said that?" she  demanded.

Chandrasekhar put his hand up.  "General Custer, in 1862."

At that point,  a student in the back said, "I'm gonna  puke."

The teacher glares around and  asks, "All right! Now, who said  that?"

Again, Chandrasekhar says, "George  Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, in  1991."

Now furious, another student  yells, "Oh yeah? Suck  this!"

Chandrasekhar jumps out of his  chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher,  "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, in  1997!"

Now with almost mob hysteria  someone said, "You little shit. If you say  anything else, I'll kill  you."

Chandrasekhar frantically yells at  the top of his voice, "Michael Jackson to the  child witnesses testifying against him, in  2004."

The teacher fainted.

And as  the class gathered around the teacher on the  floor, someone said, "Oh crap, we're  screwed!"

AND CHANDRASEKHAR SAID QUIETLY,  "I THINK IT WAS THE AMERICAN PEOPLE, NOVEMBER 4,  2008."

Refining fire

Malachi 3:3 says: 'He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.'      

 This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.  

 

One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.

 

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining Silver.      

 

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.  

 

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says:  'He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.'

She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time.  

 

The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

 

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, 'How do you know when the silver is fully refined?'

He smiled at her and answered, 'Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it.'  

 

If today you are feeling the heat of the fire , remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.  

Pass this on right now. This very moment, someone needs to know that God is watching over them.

 

And, whatever they're going through, they'll be a better person in the end.

'Life is a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it once.'

 

Billy Connolly's Chain Letter

Hello, my name is William and I suffer from guilt for not forwarding 50
billion f **king chain letters sent to me by people who actually  believe
that if you send them on, a poor six year old girl in Queensland with a
breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it
removed  before her redneck parents sell her to a travelling freak show.

And, do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and
everyone to whom you send "his" email, $1000?

How stupid are we?

Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get
laid  >by a model I just happen to run into the next day!

What a bunch of bulls **t.

Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and
sodomize  me in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that was
started by St  Peter in 5AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrim
stowaways on  the  Endeavour.
F **k 'em.

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly
amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 10 of your closest friends, and
this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a  nickel
from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times.

I don't f **king care.

Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually
contributing  to by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it's our own
unpopularity.

The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave
you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.

If it's funny, send it on.

Don't p * ss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in
Botswana  with no teeth who has been tied to the arse of a dead elephant
for 27  years  and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll
receive if you  forward this email.

Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your
underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.

Have a nice day.

P.S: Send me 15 bucks and then f **ck off.